it is simply maintenance of his sexual urge.

Okay, so I see this and I understand it. But my issue is, shouldn't he be performing that maintenance with me? It doesn't even have to be sex - I love giving blowjobs. But if our sex life is suffering because I'm being left unsatisfied, it just seems completely counter-intuitive for me to encourage him to go exercise those sexual urges with other women. But like you said, the anxiety aspect...

It is about allowing him to re-engage his desire, his control of his desire, and his attraction to you - and integrate them all together.

I'm not okay with that. I don't want to be part of a fantasy about another woman. I am okay with porn usage up to a point, but that point is not far, and I was very clear about that with my fiance when we first started dating because I know it's such a sensitive subject.

So this is my issue: how can I relieve his anxiety without involving other women? I don't feel like that needs to be a part of this process because it negates the point; it fixes his anxiety and dramatically increases mine to the point where I no longer want to have sex.

It's not that I have a problem with him fantasizing about other women -- I don't love it, but like I said, I recognize it as an inevitability and can accept it as part of my relationship without fuss. But I do not in any way want to actively encourage those fantasies or involve myself in them. At all.

Notice how almost all porn watched by men is B/G, there is little market for solo female porn because he is fantasizing about being the one causing her the pleasure - making his woman react like that to his very touch.

Exactly! And I don't want him doing that when I'm sitting in another room wanting to be the woman reacting to his touch. I am not okay with him thinking about pleasing other women when the woman he should be pleasing is sitting in the next room waiting to be pleased. I can't do that.

If the answer is to just let him do whatever he wants without any consideration for my feelings or my anxiety about the matter, then I guess this relationship is just bound to fail. Our sex life isn't all about him. My feelings and my anxieties matter too.