If he wants you to feel secure about it, then he will need to stop sneaking off to masturbate and watch porn when you've already made it clear that you want sex and he needs to communicate when he wants some too, not just go jerk off. But he needs to come to you and have sex with you instead since you've told him that you want that. Maybe if you two had very mismatched libidos and you weren't up for it, sure. It's totally fine.

So she's entitled to all his orgasms? He's only allowed to touch himself if he comes to her first and she says no? I think that's unfair.

I sometimes masturbate when my husband is home (he's fine with that, btw). In those moments, its possible that my husband might want sex, but I don't go to him and ask because I don't. In that instant, I don't want sex, I want to masturbate. I want to have a quick orgasm and get on with my day. This is not a reflection on how much I desire my spouse. It is a reflection of the fact that masturbation and sex aren't the same thing. Physical arousal and desire to orgasm are not the same as wanting physical intimacy with another person.

I agree that couples need to talk about these kinds of things and try to compromise sexual frequency, but you've basically suggested a scenario in which he has to ask her permission to touch himself and that's absurd. He's not selfish for sometimes wanting to touch himself instead of being intimate.

But he needs to come to you and have sex with you instead since you've told him that you want that.

There are two people in this relationship. What she wants doesn't always get to take precedence over what he wants.