This story really hits home for me. The particulars are different but the outcome's the same. For years now I've been telling friends that my impression of the modern world (on the East Coast of the U.S.) was that girls were getting meaner. Just kind of generally kind of meaner.
Not friends or people I know (at least for the most part.) But strangers. I personally slam the door on so many potential encounters because I just don't want to experience the ugliness I've come to expect. The automatic ugly behavior. The kneejerk unpleasantness. Hell, it isn't even "unpleasantness." Half the time I think the girls I encounter would be absolutely fine if I were to literally drop dead, particularly if it seems like they might have to deal with my glancing at them or smiling -- far, far less than actually saying hello.
So I tunnel-vision half my life. If I smile, I do it to be polite, and I don't do it while making eye-contact. I avoid any intensifying of almost any encounter because I just don't want to see how ugly people are to each other (I mean how terribly women treat men.)
If I happen to be with a pal who is good-looking in whatever way works for whatever girl, I'll actually see the ugliness-of-behavior disappear, vanish, like it never existed. It's like catching someone lying, or seeing a con-artist in action. You're through the looking-glass for a second.
It's not because he's smoother or has "game" -- a term I loathe. It's because he's fucking handsomer. Or just tall, or whatever it is that flips her switch.
When I've witnessed this, I want to say: Sis, like, two seconds ago I saw your true face; I saw how you treat regular people. You treat them like shit, like worse than shit. You treat them like they're not worth an ounce of human kindness. Now you've got this sexy smile, you're exuding all this crazy attention and energy. I'm sure that's pleasant for my friend. But to me it's like you're schizophrenic. And how can you go through life only treating people who sexually turn you on like they're worth an ounce of human dignity?
I really wish I had some awesome advice. Maybe this is my lame advice: I'll tell you right now that hashing things out with a therapist (and by God make sure you find a therapist who is either a man or who is going to be sympathetic to what you're going through) has been helping me a lot. Second, I'll tell you another funny thing: I'm very tight with the wives and girlfriends of my married pals. The boundaries are set, and we're both free to communicate as human beings. I get a lot out of those relationships (sad as that may sound.)
So, those are my thoughts and my advice. Be well hombre.
(And I also agree that having even a simulated woman smile at you releases a lot of angst and tension.)