The tradition has not been lost in Japan. It is disrespectful not to ask a women’s family, show your intentions of making her daughter happy, and showing that you are trustworthy to her father. This tradition, along with offering money (結納金) yuinokin, to the family as a sign of your devotion and future intent is also VERY common place. The money is a gesture, because you are essentially “taking responsibility” for well being of their daughter.

If your getting married to a Japanese woman, it wouldn’t be the worst idea to follow some of the appropriate customs ? It is a matter of respect for your partners culture.

4th wave feminism preach all you want, but it isn’t going to fly in Japan. Gender roles and expectations associated with them are not on course with what has happened in the West.

First thing you need to do is get a job man. Then get your own place. Grow the resolve to speak to her parents politely.

Then get married.

In that order.

Best of luck