I agree with the bit on the flowery language. I don't think it necessarily makes the work more sophisticated - and it's not that you shouldn't have any, it's just that it feels like too much. The language and the sentence length drew my attention away from the story and I was focused on the writing style instead. What helped was when you mixed your sentence lengths together - it keeps the pace going. The chapter only dragged when this didn't happen.

I also did not really feel "caught" by the opening scenes. Nothing was happening; nothing stood out to catch your interest. I'm not sure what I would recommend in this case... even describing a memory or novel thought Hinata is having would seem more action-oriented than Hinata describing the scenery. I think, in terms of building suspense in the opening scene, it would have been interesting to focus more on Hinata's emotional state beforehand -she's nervous over something silly, or maybe excited for Naruto to return or working up the courage to greet him when he comes back, , or to show how she's preoccupied with other thoughts. You hinted at that but for some reason it felt impersonal (when I tried to picture Hinata's emotional state beforehand, I kind of just imagined a blank character that wasn't brought to life until after the news).That way, when Team Seven shows up, there would be a huge contrast and you could get a better feel for how thoroughly the news has shaken her. It's hard to see the effect of trauma when you don't have both the before and the after.

Otherwise, I think the writing is great and I felt like you described each character's sorrow (and how it physically affected them) well.