Primary partner revokes consent for polyamory

I actually see where you're coming from I've never understood why it was okay for one person to change their mind and not the other?

I have a similar situation I posted on and was blasted but reality is I have done everything I can to try and help my husband come to terms with the fact my feelings have changed, I've made it clear that even if we were to be just friends or only have a professional arrangement to arrange child care that I will do everything in my power to support that yet HE just will NOT express what he wants.

Genuinely how long am I supposed to wait for him to make a decision because it's verging on 4 years now? How is it fair that one partner accommodates but the other doesn't, especially if the reason for poly is that the ability to accommodate needs is not being met?

Accommodate or let go, is 100% an ultimatum but if the only other choice is to procrastinate as everything falls more and more apart then I'm not sure why it is considered poly-under-duress to make the person aware of those choices and expect them to at some point take one.

Also to those wondering why don't YOU just walk away, remember you can ask for a divorce but the other person can refuse and some people then don't have the know how, support or finances to fight that refusal. Nor the inclination for it to get messy when children are involved.

This idea that because you realised you're actually poly whilst in a mono marriage makes you the problem really infuriates me, people change and frankly of you made them fully aware of the change you are going through and the other person agreed they want to stand by you through that, even give it a go and see how they felt, then that was their fully informed choice.

I genuinely don't understand how this isn't clearly a logical conclusion for more people? You inform someone of all the facts and they make their own decision to act on it. The assumption that you have pretended to be mono until you didn't in some hugely thought out act of manipulation is insane!

I have no idea of the full circumstances of the OPs life or way of being but to directly accuse them of being the individual that isn't doing enough of the communicating and self-reflection is not fair.

Sorry took this one personally as a safeguarding practitioner, please remember most or at least a large proportion of the time it tends to be the victim in a situation that reaches out for help and advice.

/r/polyamory Thread