I really just need to rant, but may possibly solicit some advice from the experienced RPG players in the room:
My playtime with TTRPGs is minimal, but I have always loved the idea of playing TTRPGs. I was introduced to TT in the 80s by my brother but it never went beyond character creation and reading his old AD&D PHB from cover to cover as a kid. Now that I am older and have more time for nostalgia, I invited my family to start playing as a way of doing something memorable together. I am a long-time observer of the genre and have wrangled the mechanics quite quickly. In my schoolin' years, I was an "above average" fantasy writer, having won a few awards for my stories and such. I harbor a deeper desire to be a creator who enjoys seeing smiles on my player's (kids) faces more than I enjoy being a player myself, so I took on the mantle of becoming a GM.
My current campaign has been going on for about two months now. We initially ran a published module that took the players from levels 1 - 5 with great success (or so I was told). This current campaign is more epic using a hybrid of homebrew and published 3pp material. Of my four players, two are experienced in TTRPGs and the other two are very new. Of the experienced players (my daughter and son-in-law), my daughter wrote an elaborate backstory for her draconic sorceress, which includes a coveted family heirloom and history as to how a grandmother, centuries ago, fell in love with a silver dragon, thus explaining her draconic bloodline. It is quite good and I latched onto that. I transformed her heirloom (a cloak clasp) into a scalable magic silver dragon's scale that is a focus for her draconic abilities (in that it only grants abilities she would get anyways with the class. It just provides a reason for it to happen). At the start of the campaign, the players' "tavern" moment was waking up in an empty cellar after a recent violent kidnapping. Her heirloom was now missing and one of their first paths of adventure is to get it back (I basically used it as a hook to introduce a couple of the more minor criminal elements in the city). She is extremely enthusiastic and is all-in on this new world I introduced to her.
Her husband, on the other hand, built his background around being an ex-mercenary who turned his back on the company by refusing to complete an assassination contract. This target was a high-tier ancient vampire who, over the course of time, developed a "relationship" with the PC and gifted him with a small token, a faceless coin with no obvious use (he left that part very vague). Outside of that, he provided me with no location within the world to base this history off of, nor any information about the mercenary company. I later found out, after the game had started, that my daughter wrote this backstory for him because he didn't have any clues as to how to proceed ( I gave them over a month, about 30 pages of history, ecology, world maps, various regional and city data to do this and allowed them to roll their characters using a point buy because we all have busy lives). I am very familiar with writer's bloc and understood the dilemma so let it pass with a promise to work with him in the future to flesh it out.
My concern is really between these two. I have found myself integrating two pivotal adventures centered on my daughter's character and the jealousy monster is starting to rear it's ugly little head. Up until now, she has been very forthcoming with ideas and a desire to really play out a story with her character. As a result, I was able to connect her character to a major NPC (planned intrigue in the future) who has transformed himself into the party's patron. This really turned up the role-play meter for her. She absolutely loves it and has commented that she has never had her PC's backstory integrated into a game like this before.
The husband, on the other hand, when prompted to flesh out some more small details of his backstory so that I can integrate his PC, just kind of throws up his hands and lays it on me to do "whatever I want with it." Of course, my current campaign has nothing to do with vampires, especially high tier ancient ones, and I find myself lost on how to do this without blowing the integrity of the campaign out of the water. He has gone so far as to comment to me, "....she has a magic item. What can my token do that is special?" He asked me the other day if I homebrewed a mercenary company for him that he can use. It almost appears that instead of working with me to develop his story, he just wants me to wave my GM wand and just make it happen for him, or at the very least, just lay it all on his wife to do it because he won't be bothered with it.
This guy is a professional roleplayer who works a ren faire circuit and has played TTRPGs his entire life. I would assume he would delve further into his character to help me out a bit with this or at the very least, take what my daughter has created for him and expand on it. One of the new players is my autistic son who I already have to go line by line with character creation, basic rules, and roleplay. On top of that, I convert everything to Fantasy Grounds, so most of my time is spent in adventure prep and sitting down with my disabled son to flesh out his character. Before this campaign started, my son-in-law recommended bringing in a fourth player. I wasn't against the idea so I asked him if he could ask one of his many TTRPG friends to come in. Right off the bat, he stated, "The guys I play with will roll right over you. They will find the chink in your GM armor and do their best to exploit you." I couldn't help but wonder if his request for a fourth was a potential out for him if one could not be found? Did he really have my best interests in mind? I was a bit puzzled at this comment but thought nothing more about it. My daughter eventually asked a neighbor of theirs who has always wanted to try and he sits with us now.
My feeling is that I think he is trying to test me as a new GM. He knows how this works better than I do, but feigns disinterest and ignorance when I try to pull more information out of him to bring his story more into the game. At times, I just feel like the only reason he plays is because he is being dragged into it by my daughter. His recent pandering and slights of jealousy scare me. I want to do more with his character but when I discuss it or throw ideas at him, I just get a shoulder shrug and a, "you're the GM" kind of response. My greatest fear is a toxicity that, over time, could potentially result in the death of an activity that 3 out of the 4 actually show enthusiasm for. If he goes, I feel she will not make any further efforts to invest either. At that point it would be a cascade since the fourth player is one of their neighbors who is also new to TTRPGs. I especially don't want him having a bad taste in his mouth. He is slowly warming up and becoming more invested as the game goes on. My disabled son justs want to do stuff with his dad, so he really couldn't care if we were playing D&D or Candyland.
Maybe there is nothing here and I am just being paraniod. What kind of discussion can I have with my son-in-law that won't result in my campaign collapsing as a result of family drama? Am I misinterpreting the situation and is my son-in-law just a "beer and pretzels murder-hobo" who just wants to kill shit during his 3 hours of "mandatory family fun?" Maybe he is reserving the good stuff for his circle of "real" RPG friends and entertaining my journey just because I am the father-in-law who gives him a $100 bottle of whiskey for Christmas every year? He seems disinterested in character development, yet shows subtle hints of jealousy when I progress my daughter's personal story line. It is confusing to say the least and I am unsure just how much energy to put into him on the chance he is only playing games with me. Of course, it is my job to ensure the pieces are there so that everyone has the opportunity to enjoy their time in game. I strive to do this. I have some ideas for his character, but I really want to finish what I started with my daughter's character before I introduce his story (which will come off better at the mid tier levels, than level 1 - 3). It is an interesting dynamic and not quite like writing a book I have quickly learned. For those of you who game with your family members, how do you keep drama to a minimum? I feel as if the interaction with family would look different than that of good friends, or even strangers at your table. Either way, feel free to share any experiences you may have had; advice will always be welcome to me. If I am just acting like a paranoid GM, let me know. I mainly just needed to get all this down so I can make sense of it. I easily could have done this in Word and then deleted it afterwards, but there are great nuggets of wisdom to be found in the minds of the Reddit hive and I am interested in reading them.