See that’s the thing. I know it comes off as so over the top it could be from a movie or something. I get that. I can back it up with news articles (potentially obituaries too but hopefully noone’s that distasteful) if there’s any doubt though there’s only so much I can show without doxxing myself.
I know it’s not a common thing to go through which makes it hard to find true understanding and support for. (which I wouldn’t change because I wouldn’t wish for anyone to go through it just to have someone else to talk to about it.)
It’s exposed a lot of inconsistencies in psychologist training by how many have shown me the door because they’re “not qualified to help me” (not blaming them but it really begs the question who they are qualified to help and why there’s a ceiling??) but it’s okay because my current psych has experience helping veterans and can actually help me.
Hopefully I might even find some nice folks with common ground in this thread. The more people I have to talk things out with who have been there, the better because I don’t want to be a mental burden on my fiancé with my traumatised ass.