Profile Review - Week of August 27, 2019

Tagging you so you see this, /u/Artemus19

I'm glad that /u/current_struggling came through and mentioned that masculinity isn't a major concern because I don't think it should be a concern either. I saw the other comments talking about trying to be masculine, and I'm adamantly against that type of mentality. I think trying too hard to "be a man" is toxic, and I want to stress how important it is to just be yourself, albeit the best version of yourself.

When it comes to these types of things, I think about this C.S. Lewis quote a lot; just swap out 'adult' or 'grown up' with 'masculine' and 'childish' with 'feminine'.

Critics who treat 'adult' as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence. And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms. Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even into early manhood this concern about being adult is a mark of really arrested development. When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.

You're a fucking man, and by definition, everything you do is manly. One of the biggest questions I've been asking myself the past few years is, "What's the difference between culture and person? More specifically, what's the difference between the cultures that I'm in and the person that I am?" You need to find out what the answers to these questions are for you because it'll help solidify your position within society by allowing you to understand why you firmly belong within a group even though you're different from many people within the group. When you get too caught up in the idea of culture, you're going to lose yourself as a person. You cannot do that. Since culture ultimately consists of many people, you cannot be a part of a culture if you are not a person, and you need to decide how you influence a culture instead of letting culture influence you as a person.

You should consider getting off Tinder, especially if you live in a city or decent sized town. It's very difficult to allow yourself to be judged off a handful of pictures and a few paragraphs. A lot of what I've said so far is much more applicable in vis-à-vis interactions, and truth be told, some of the shit I've said might not even matter when it comes to Tinder.

One last thing, you should consider getting in better shape if you aren't able to snap out of this masculinity thing using self-talk. You're hitting that age where you'll start losing your baby fat around the cheeks, and I think you'll see great improvements the next few years if you're able to get in better shape.

/r/Tinder Thread Parent