A couple:

-- Tagline doesn't sync with the text. "Class" and particularly "Assets" It's a cute tagline, but throw it out and come up with a new one. In your case, I would even go against anything sexual in the tagline....

---Whereas without your SLF comment about your goals, I wasn't sure if you were looking for a non sexual relationship. With a high rate of platonics pretending they aren't, the guys are hyper sensitive. Also, the "friends" tag doesn't help.

-- The "South" comment about Florida -- if you're from North Florida then it really might as well be South -GA. That's really the only comment that is an insight into your personality.

-- I wouldn't say Ivy League.....I mean, you're in NYC, so its too disclosive. If you said you've just graduated or whatever and you see yourself going into xx profession, we'll deduce you're education.

......Rather, I would keep writing drafts, and go through the painful process of showing your intelligence and depth. This doesn't come across.

-- I wouldn't say this if it didn't seem you could do so much better if you just forced yourself to write and rewrite and make it painful for yourself. Whatever time this takes is offset by it's personal development for you (you'll be spending a lot of your life writing in your profession) and NYC is such a maze and getting the text wrong is going to cause so much wasted time for you.

-- The comment about Florida is an indication to me that there's a lot of writing and self reflection talent that isn't showing up here.

-- You don't sound fun. I'm sure you're a lot of fun, you just don't sound it. I think if you just do drafts, some of your personality will come through and that will fix the "fun" thing without being obvious about it.