PSA: Your metas or “thirds” don’t owe you free childcare or domestic help and frankly it’s gross of you to ask if you are not compensating them.

It’s not something I experience but it’s something that really wouldn’t surprise me. I’ve been in a stable polycule for several years so I don’t really see the more abusive sides of it.

But also the whole grind set thing is something I’m really uncomfortable with my generation being judged for. It’s not good, and absolutely relentlessly judge anyone encouraging the real thing, but this feels less of that and more like someone overenthusiastically reminding people to not take advantage of friends and partners. I don’t like the move towards money changing hands in friendship, I’ve even volunteered to do professional labor for a friend’s actual job for free to help her out, and she had to argue with me to get me to accept money. But there is value in this acceptance that certain traditionally unpaid labor is labor and generosity of favors can easily be abused when someone doesn’t contribute back to their ability.

But yeah, I think neither side of this should be taken uncritically. Give share and contribute as much as you comfortably can as a default and more as needed, but also don’t take advantage of that or treat you secondary partners like free labor, treat them like a community member who you’re going to have to help out too.

/r/polyamory Thread Parent