[PUBERTY QUESTION] I (27F) have a problem with my boyfriend's 14M son. He jerks off into the crotch of my panties. Why?!

Hi, I am not an expert, but I do administer behavioural therapy to kids.

Obviously, talking doesn't always work like in your case. There's no real incentive for change if the embarrassment of being caught isn't powerful enough to him. He clearly doesn't respect either of you right now so he wouldn't care if you find out that he's been disrespecting your items. But this is definitely a much bigger issue than him ruining your underwear.

There are sooo many types of reinforcement/punishment and not all of them work for everyone. For teenagers, there has been some research that shows that an over-correction type of punishment has been effective. Meaning, he dirties your underwear, now he needs to spend the entire day doing laundry.

I also disagree with the idea of removing all sorts of preferred activities for a set time limit versus an agreement that "you can get this back when you do x (chore or some desired behaviour) the first time we tell you, 3 times in a row." Put it in writing, make a visual poster (seems cheesy but at least everyone can keep track of it), or use something like putting marbles in a cup when he does something positive and give him the xbox/internet access/whatever when the cup is full (start small with this- throwing away his garbage, saying excuse me, etc. And give verbal praise). This gives him the control to make positive changes and be rewarded for them versus playing a waiting game.

Just from reading this, it seems like you need to reestablish some form of instructional control with him. Meaning he needs to learn that by listening to what you and your boyfriend ask of him, good things will come of it.

And I agree with just about everyone here that he probably needs more consistency in his life, perhaps suggest that all of you (his mom included) see a family therapist and try to get on the same page (or at least in the same book).

/r/sex Thread