There's only one reason why a human being would enjoy something like this, scientifically speaking, it's called being a clinical psychopath, usually with sadistic tendencies. You sir/ma'am need to see a psychiatrist immediately and get yourself diagnosed as faster as possible before is too late. The fact that you speak openly about it could indicate that these might be your early stages, judging by the fact that you fear no repercussions. This is the world that you know and this is normalcy to you, the fact that you don't understand the difference between you and the actual normal people indicates that you have never faced retaliation from the normal folks, but soon you will. Your kind always starts with small animals, then the big ones, then humans, then comes life imprisonment or something very drastic. Act now while you can, talk to a psychiatrist now, not a psychologist, not a therapist, a psychiatrist or a pathologist. What you suffer is a pathology, which most of the time is genetic and rarely caused by childhood trauma, or even during adulthood tragedies. No matter what, its really bad, your brain might feel weird from my words, but you have a stronger instinct in your body then the psychopathic one, its called survival instinct. If you wanna have a long life better fit in with the normal ones, you probably will never feel like one, but at least you'll have a long life. Unless you're younger than 14, well in that case wait until you're of that age and see if you feel the same as before or you have grown a conscience, if not remember what I told you earlier. Sometimes children of 13 or younger have issues with developing a conscience, see it's not a born ability, we acquire it during our childhood. No matter what you feel right now, remember your desire to live, it will always help you go on in life.