I realized that I take very different decisions when triggered vs when normal. Being triggered comes with a false sense of urgency ("You need to take a decision or take action NOW!") where I'd contact friends, get into arguments, take decisions, etc. I started noticing when I was triggered and decided I would not taking decisions in that state. Decisions are only taken when "normal". (I fail sometimes).

And you know what? People don't care if you sometimes answer their messages the next day, or if you sometimes stay radio silent for a week or so! If they ask you about it, tell them the truth: you have a lot to deal with and it's not against them. On the contrary, you are trying to build better relationships and you would like them to still be in your life (even if not, you can take distances later). You can always work out particular arrangements with specific friends (eg agree to always quickly respond to that one friend, even if it's to say "give me a day to decide").

My relationships have gotten better now, because the decisions I take and the contacts I make with others is more mindful, more serious, more stable than before. There's friendships you'll let go off, but please do so when you are in your normal state, so it's a well thought-out decision you won't regret, and you'll have all your mental skills at disposal to take it. "Triggered" you will overlook many unhealthy behaviors because it is too scared to notice them.

If a friend flakes or makes slightly hurtful jokes or makes me feel like they don't care enough about me or don't want me there I just end up cutting them off completely

I'm willing to bet that when you cut them off completely, you were in a triggered, anxious state of mind! I'm willing to bet that if you were in a "normal" state (reasonably happy, positive and optimistic), you'd have said "that's not cool. Don't do that again".

"Normal" you would think the non-answering is busy, or wants to set time aside to give you a serious answer. "Triggered" you freaks out that they started despising you because they found out the truth about your uselessness or that they decided to ghost you.