Gather up guys its story time.
My ex girlfriend had some serious odors. Now I'm only saying this because my last ex had no foul odors, I'm talking so fresh that I could go down with a jolly rancher in my mouth, put it in, then suck it back out and it would taste 100x better.
But anyway my ex. I dont know what she was doing, I dont know what demon crawled up and died in there, but I could barely even go missionary without digging my face into the pillow. This wasnt even during her periods, dont get me started because that shit would leave Stevie Wondering when he walked into an Asian fish market. I was not ready for the level of stomach turning, eye watering, nose killing stank that ovulating orifice. She always use Vagicil, she always showered, i just didnt understand after a while. But rewinding a bit lemme tell you about the time we tried 69.
It was a cold winter morning, my balls were huddling back inside me looking for warmth and I could tell she was thirsty. After a bit of messing around with foreplay we got into it, and I was feeling kinda adventurous. So of course I suggest the age-old 69 and we're shifting around trying not to knee each other in the face. She goes on top, goes to town, and Im laying there looking at this - wait hold up what the fuck is that smell? Im thinking to myself, what in God's name have I just surrendered myself to.
I'm taking in whiffs of doodoo, old piss, and some sort of strong ass smell. I realized that she aint never grab a bar of soap and clean that shit up close and personally, and by God did I pray. I prayed for all the brothers doomed to my same fate - I prayed for the safety of future victims - I prayed for a quick finish, sweet Jesus I almost gagged. That was the moment I pushed her ass out of my face and told her to stop, I was flaccid anyway. I never even landed contact, she got out dry as hell but I still went and brushed my teeth, gums, throat, and throat-sack.
From that point on we took showers together and you bet your ass did I clean her shit up thoroughly, Im talking heavy duty scrubbing that not even that nigga Mr Clean could attempt. We broke up for unrelated reasons but man that was my worst sexual experience to date.
Tl;dr She stank, I almost threw up.