Pyscho justifying child abuse

My parents got shit from our relatives for NEVER lying a hand, a belt, or anything on me. We’re an Asian family so kids often got spanked or hit with something if they brought home a bad grade. I was in elementary school and had ran away from home once. I also had like all D’s and F’s. They always just sat me down and talked to me about why I did something bad/wrong and made me figure out how to improve. Was it hard on them? Yes. Did it work? Yes.

My relatives later came back to my parents asking for advice on child rearing because I ended up a going to a Ivy League school (which is apparently all that matters to these people...) and still really loved and respected my parents. Meanwhile they had kids who were completely shut off from them and didn’t do well academically. My cousin started off doing well in school but became more rebellious in HS so my uncle’s response was to lock him in the bathroom without food after beating him up to “teach him a lesson.” This was in Asia so no one cared.

My dad, before he passed, would spend a lot of time with these relatives’ kids as teenagers and give them the same fatherly kind advice he gave me. He never pushed for any academic achievements or anything. He was super proud of me but always said all that matter was that I was happy, a good person, and I could take care of myself.

I don’t think there’s one correct way to parent and I try not to judge others. But it bothers me up how often people actively judged my parents for being soft on me because they wouldn’t whip me with a belt. Insane people.

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