Question for both adoptees & adoptive parents: when would be the best time to give adopted children a house key?

Putting the cart before the horse - you're absolutely right. I think a lot of it is a mix of excitement, anticipation, and the fact that we've never had kids. Some things are easier to find answers to than others, and this is one of those that isn't just out there being talked about or in a book. But we are getting ahead of ourselves. We won't be starting the process for 2 maybe 3 more years and it seems so far away. Talking about the little things can help it feel more real.

I put some more thought into the key thing though and completely agree with you. Even if we weren't talking adoption, this would be their home and that's something they would need. Even if someone, say a friend or a relative, whoever really, were staying with us, a key would be one of the things we would just give them. I think we got lost in our reading and forgot about that.

With the animals thing, I understand where you're coming from, but I was raised to treat animals with the same respect and commitment as everyone else. And I do. So it's not that we equate foster or adopted kids as less than anyone else, but that we have as much compassion for animals as we do people. We're talking about animals I've had up to 10 years now, or even the youngest one who went through a considerable amount of trauma prior to being with us and we're still working with him on. Animals aren't disposable. Children aren't disposable. But if I've taken responsibility to care for these animals I'm not abandoning them bc I chose to bring someone into their life who is hurting them. We have the same rule for everyone who enters our lives, as it's extremely important to us. I can't imagine there's much of a chance we would be matched with a child who would have that concern with as adamantly against it as we are. That's the only thing we've ever used the term "deal breaker" with. Bc outside of that, unless there's something we are absolutely not equipped for, then that term doesn't apply.

What we're really expecting is kids who need patience and understanding and access to resources we can provide them, if they want it. There's not much that phases me, but I also understand I have a lot to learn still.

/r/Adoption Thread Parent