We became long distance and the relationship started making me unhappy. I started emotionally cheating on him (flirting with others etc) so I broke up. It was clear he had no time or interest in our relationship and it was clear I was going to fall for others so it seemed logical.

Then I moved back and dealt with some pretty severe emotional issues, some as a result of our relationship and some completely unrelated. He told me he loved me (something he'd never said once during the two years we were together) so just like that I got back with him. A few weeks in he'd told me he had been accepted for a placement in a different country for after the summer and I told him I'd keep dating him for now (I couldn't deal being alone) if he was ok with it but we'd break up once he moved away. That's when I started checking out of the relationship and a week before he moved I cheated again (but 'for real' this time). Why I couldn't wait till he was gone or just break up before he left beats me. I did go to therapy after this.

I know this isn't a satisfying answer because I was already breaking up with this man but it is my biggest shame.