I’ve been “tasting purification” (those familiar with shinzen young might know what I’m talking about) for a while.
It’s simply letting equanimity do its thing (healing) and knowing that the process is happening. This creates a positive feedback loop that incites exponential growth.
I feel like shit constantly, but other than this, the process is great.
I’m just wondering, what’s at the other side? At what point will I feel like I don’t need to “let go into-then-out-of-chaos” and can just be “normal”? Like do normal, non-meditator things (if such desires arise, and I hope they do).
Will the letting go take me all the way to becoming a meditator hermit?
I’m hoping that there will be a period where I can comfortably “plateau” and do human things, like make music, start a business, relationships, get into cage fighting, have a defined sense of identity, bring down the establishment, feel like I live on earth where time and space are objective things, etc.
But how can I plateau if the process is now essentially self-automated?
I’m watching as many dishonest, bad habits are slowly falling away to reveal a more authentic version of me, but I’m worried that too much will be peeled off and I’ll discard all the desires that I currently want to fulfill in the future.
Sort of. Ultimately I know I should just shut up and do what needs to be done. But I feel like question is worth asking.