I'm stressing because it could go a few ways, for sure. And they probably (very much likely) know it can, and they are using that to keep us/me stressed and that gives them the power they want, of us relying on them. It could be:
Aggressive - selling it off
Slightly aggressive - refusing to give it over or refusing to allow us to build, but using some excuse
Passive - saying they will deed it later on/eventually, once we 'are sure' we want to do it, which puts it off, and if we were to visit beforehand trying to keep us around or lure us to stay (i.e., take advantage of us not having a place to go back to when visiting)
3a. Or, say we can build on it if we want but then not deed it over (right away) and continue to act like it's just temporary and things can change during the planning of building.
Agreeable with total catch - deed part of it over and build on it to eventually move right by us
Agreeable with strings - deed it over but come constantly to help be part of building and expect regular visits and hold that over us forever
I just don't see it being anything without some sort of caveat. If her emails about it happening in the future already go the route of saying "it would be great if we would see you both more often" ("wherever you end up"), then it means it's only going to increase from here. It's stressful because it's trying to already define how our future will be in part. I've said I didn't want this to happen, didn't think it would continue even to now with military, but they don't have remorse or reflection or a limit.
Anyways thank you for your comment and input. Lots to think about, look into, and discuss.