I don't like it when people say things "behind your back" but loud enough for me to hear.

And then in front of me they don't say that thing, but they say another thing hurtfully. Of course lah I need to hear it, and I appreciate the reminder and help very much, but I hope you know that I know I'm not perfect. I'm very slow at picking things up, and I get emotional and hurt when you raise your voice like that, even if that's just your normal way of speaking.

I exploded, I know, and I said some things I never meant to say to you because that's just "you" and you probably don't need to hear it.

But when I tried to apologise and own my mistakes, you're got the wrong message from my explosion.

And I still hear you say things behind my back, loud enough for me to hear.

When I feel like you're disappointed in me, I just want to crawl away and hide from your view. I don't want to be "malas" but I malas hearing you get mad at me and show your disappointment at me every day.

I wish I could show this to you to make you understand, but I don't think you will.