I know those waves of anxiety all too well. It’s like my brain has a highlight reel of the most stupid and embarrassing things I’ve done in life. It’s agony to experience.

If there’s anything I can say to try and help, it’s this: have a little compassion for yourself. I don’t know what embarrassing things you said, but I doubt you would judge others as harshly for saying those things as you judge yourself. So know that your peers probably don’t think you're socially incompetent or judge you for saying stuff you think is embarrassing or dumb. In fact, they probably don’t judge you at all or even remember most of the stuff you’re thinking over. And if they do, then that’s their problem.

Brains have a nasty habit of remembering the bad more than the good. So please know that past memories don’t necessarily paint an accurate picture of who you were then or are now. I doubt you’re socially incompetent. I know these memories may feel numerous, but you likely aren’t remembering the many more times in which you were socially competent and a good friend to those you care about. We also remember unique and unusual things very well. The fact that embarrassing things you’ve said stick out so much in your memory indicates that saying those types of things is probably unusual for you. In other words, you’re not a socially incompetent person.

I get it though. Ruminating over the past feels awful, especially when it affects self-esteem in the present. I’m sorry you’re going through that. It sucks. I hope this helps a little. I worry that I might have made some assumptions when I wrote this, so I'm sorry if this doesn't resonate with you or reflect your situation.