RANT: I am so fucking tired of being told this is "normal."

Okay, I'm guessing you don't want a comment from a female, but here goes anyway.

As other posters have said, sounds like there's a hell of a lot of pent up resentment all-round. So if you want to save the marriage you both need to work through that.

The thing about more sex when she hated you? Can only speak from my own experience, but for me that would be because I'd disconnected from you emotionally. I'm not sleeping with you - my husband and father of my child, as I pretty much hate you right now. I'm just fucking a piece of dead meat because I'm horny. It's you or the pizza boy, and you're cheaper.

Unfortunately you opted for the pizza boy (okay, pizza girl) option. You say your wife doesn't know. She does. She may not know who and when, or whether it was full sex or a blow job, but she knows something happened. There are so many small tells, especially when you and your SO aren't getting on.

TBH it sounds like your relationship ended during her first pregnancy, but she's tried to make it work as you had a kid (now kids). Sounds like you made yourself a deal that "I'll lose weight/help around the house and in return she'll want sex with me"... but you didn't ask her opinion on it.

I appreciate you've written a rant, which is fine - ranting is good - but if this is how you're feeling on a day-to-day basis you're oozing contempt for her and unhappiness for yourself.

Couples counselling is the obvious thing here, but I see you've said she won't go for it.

If you want a suggestion, rather than just a "hey man, we hear you", I'd suggest a conversation from the standpoint of the kids - how this tension in the house isn't healthy for them and how can we move this forward to make the best home for them. Let the conversation go from there.

For what it's worth, I only know one woman who hates her husband - she's 84.

/r/DeadBedrooms Thread