I recently read the following in a book(Unspeakable Truths and Happy Endings, Rebecca Coffey) about trauma recovery:

"In some way, most of us have accepted the fact that we eventually will die. What we probably haven't accepted is that we may not get to die when dying would be easier than surviving. Crime, sexual assault, war, incest, and family violence will push many of us not to personal extinction, but to its brink. Our selection as victims will be undeserved. ... We will not be saved by avenging heroes. While some will find their spirits resilient, many of us will be left degraded by the experience and ostracized by society. The reason for our social exile: we will be living proof that not all stories end happily. And the possibility of unhappy endings to true stories with innocent protagonists is an unspeakable truth too personally threatening for anyone to acknowledge. ... As a culture, we don't like complainers. Most of us believe that we, and by extension those we love, are insulated from disaster. Trauma destroys this belief. To integrate it, we have to either acknowledge that we, too, are powerless or that the victim, in some way, precipitated the trauma. By believing that the trauma was somehow earned, friends can distance themselves from the survivor's situation and make them and their family seem less vulnerable."

While I firmly understand this is written in the contect of the victims of truly horrifying personal tragedies, it seems a possible explanation for why FA people are often blamed in some way or another for their situation.

Some FAs get so overwhelmed with rejection that we reject the world back just to keep going - and become difficult people to be around so the treatment feels justified(I am struggling to stop being this person). But there are also a lot of us who are geniunely good-hearted even in the face of rejection(I can only wonder how they do it) and still stay that way no matter what. That doesn't stop them from being told the cookie-cutter advice above from people not in their position. To these people at least, I think the above situation applies.

Very often, it's easy on our already stretched-to-the-limit minds to succumb to simple, insincere beliefs about why bad things happen in the world than do all the emotional work necessary to see things in full detail. In a twisted way, it seems to be another(but unpleasant) part of what humanity is about - the ability to not see things that upset you too much, whenever needed. Sorry about the longish post, I felt some relief in reading the above paragraph and thought it would help someone else too.