Some snippets from recent posts you've made:
I see all these girls on /r/cosplaygirls and I'm always like, holy shit these girls are flawless, they are beautiful, perfect, and then I remember deep down they are just regular people. ... and that pisses me off. I prefer the illusion. I am dually conflicted with two forms of thought, one of the path of the buddha, that I know they are imperfect and will fart and get old and develop wrinkles, and the other seeing a flawless goddess in front of me.
And it causes problems, to. I have a date this Friday, for example, but she has a big nose and I can't stop thinking about it. My last date had bad breath. But I have bad breath too sometimes. It's like, I'm expecting someone perfect. I'm going to be alone forever.
I just moved back home and am in the same situation as you, I'm finishing my Bachelor's and my mother was nice enough to give me "one last chance" as long as I don't use drugs, and I started working at Wally World, but full-time is too much and stressing me the fuck out so I'm quitting and applying (ironically) at Kroger and other places to have less work-stress. But you need money, you need to "feel" like an adult, buy yourself things, etc. I always make sure to buy myself comic books and some cool clothes, a nice haircut, it's stupid but it makes your confidence boost way higher.
That's not entirely true, the last trait I listed is not a physical one. Also, I feel that physical attraction is important in an relationship, is it not? I already am letting go of a preferred height, preferred weight, preferred skin color, preferred hair color, etc (trust me, my last post listed many more physical things that I let go of). Are you saying these two physical things I want in a partner are one too many? Two too many? Can't a person have at least one or two physical things they like?
How would you feel if a woman you were dating had the same standards for you? High fashion, good looking, high confidence men who make good money and are only interested in 'A' 'B' 'C' as interesting subjects.
I would expect them to? I don't want to date some girl that wants to date some ugly dude that can't dress and has no confidence? I want to be that man you just described, that man is my goal, and for some women, I am already that man.
The amount of people I have hurt or just simply done awkward things to/around while having episodes is staggering. I didn't find out I was bipolar until 25 years old (two and a half years ago).
She said she still wants to date, but I can't date someone two hours away, and honestly I'm a bit hurt that she said for months that she was going to move here, and then backs out.
As an existentialist I am consciously (or is it cognitively?) aware that I have no purpose, yet create my own, and that purpose is to produce as much work as possible before I die.
Let's be honest: you're an almost-thirty man, still working on college, working a part-time, minimum wage job at Kroger because Walmart was too stressful, who lives with his mom so he doesn't have to pay rent. You only recently got your bipolar under control, and you describe your episodes as destructive. You're an existentialist writer who can't get his ass out of bed before about 11 am, and describes a fantasy novel series as the only thing that saved you in a difficult time. You are only recently considering dropping the "flawless goddess" ideal from the women you date.
It sounds like you're getting dates, but they're not living up to your standards. That means one of two things - you're dating from the wrong pool of women, or your standards are still wrong.
If your pool of datable women is "women who will date me", well, then... see the above paragraph. The closer you get to thirty, the less women are going to be tolerant of being broke, lazy, and vaguely neckbeardish.
And it seems like 4/5 girls I meet online have horrible self-esteem or bad hygiene issues
Hygiene I'll give you. Nobody wants to date someone gross. But..
When everyone you meet is wrong somehow, you have to look at the common denominator - you.
Maybe this is something to bring up with your therapist, not the internet. But maybe dating should go on the back burner for a while while you focus on getting your life together.