[Rant/Vent] Came back home for vacation after 3 years of very little contact.

It depends on what you choose to prioritize and what you think is right for you. It depends on what you think is a good example of extending a "good enough" amount of help, while maintaining personal boundaries, and what it means to you to help your younger sibling. I think these problems are worth taking some time to think about, maybe even with a professional to help you sort out your conflicting feelings. There's no universal answer here.

For myself, I want to go into medicine. I'm deliberately kind to patients and their family, even when they're unkind to me. It's a tough thing to be in the hospital, watching your loved one be sick (or die). But I draw the line at a certain level of verbal abuse and would obviously call security if warranted. I think it would be hard for me to be patient in that role and also completely impatient with my parents. I can think of a lot of hardships that might have contributed to the choices they made (emphasizing it was their choice to have kids and then be a certain type of parent, and it's an explanation, not an excuse). I'm also aware that I've received more from my parents than from anyone else in my life, and my siblings and I are also projects where my parents have put the most energy. Also, there are consequences to some of my choices that I'd like to avoid, like my parents experiencing old age without social or financial support. That's a reflection of what I'm willing to (not) let happen, if I can help it, than what I think they necessarily "deserve". I didn't sign up to be a merciless judge. That's not my job. I also want to make it easier for my younger siblings.

I think that my choice to keep in contact with my parents and suffer a little more reflects the type of person I want to be, but I had to figure out how to draw boundaries to protect myself too. Even with boundaries, sometimes I still get hurt more than I would prefer, in ways that I do regret/don't think was worth it. It's important to realize that this broken situation was set up before you were born, and the ideal path forward was already blocked long ago by your parents. However, I think it's possible to choose in a way that aligns with what you value. Thinking about it this way (and therapy) helped me, but it's up to you to choose what specifically works for you.

/r/AsianParentStories Thread