[RANT] what's wrong with this girl!?

She probably doesn't actually want to meet you for one reason or another. She likes chatting with you, if she's been doing so steadily before now, but maybe she doesn't like the idea of actually meeting in meatspace.

Not having met in person, you aren't really sure if you're truly attracted to one another, so right now there's potential and hope. Once you meet, you'll probably know pretty quickly whether or not there's the right sort of chemistry, and if there isn't, it kills that hope.

On the few first dates I've had, there's been no chemistry at all and I had no desire to go on another date, and realizing that is a really shitty feeling. Afterwards, it kind of feels like I've lost a friend because we stop communicating so as to not waste one another's time or lead the other on.

I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels like that, and some people probably avoid meeting in person in an attempt to avoid losing that sense of potential and hope, or losing that friendship. I'm not saying this is necessarily the case with her, but it could be. Don't give up hope.

Another possibility is if she has social anxiety, is an introvert, or is just shy, the leadup to a date can be really stressful. As someone with social anxiety, I dread the leadup and hope every second that I'll have an excuse not to go or he cancels, but once I force myself to go and calm down a bit, I usually have a decent time. But all that stress really shuts me down and I'll be pretty uncommunicative for a good while.

Best thing you can do for either scenario, assuming one of them is the actual problem, is to let her know that if she really isn't ready to meet yet, but actually does want to meet, you're willing to wait until she's comfortable (assuming you are willing to wait, if not, just move on). Or if she doesn't actually want to meet, let her know that you'd prefer if she'd just say so, so that you don't keep wasting your time.

Anyway, these are just my observations from my own experiences with meeting up for the first time. Hope they're a little helpful. Good luck.

/r/OkCupid Thread