For me, it's weird, my wife gets in her own head. She refuses to approach some things with an open state of mind. Threesomes were something we discussed early in the relationship but now appear to be off the table. She says that she "can't" swallow. She says that she "can't" deepthroat. She says that she hates anal - but is never willing to explore other options to find it more enjoyable - and she just mentally shuts down if we try to have any conversation regarding it.
My enjoyment of sex has increased since I've started doing TRP, but it's gone from like a 3 out of 10 to a 5 out of 10. I am attracted to her physically, but she doesn't really seem to know how to be "sexy" - and is willing to put in next to no effort to do them. Coming onto me is about as sexy as "You want a blowjob?" instead of pulling out my dick and sucking on it, or telling me that she's horny - it's like we're having a fucking business transaction.
She does what I say, as long as it's in her comfort zone, but attempts to push her comfort zone don't get into a "I won't", it's an "I can't". And then that satisfies her to the point that she just gives up and doesn't try - and her awful self esteem keeps her from actually wanting to improve. She'd rather "I can't" and shut her mind down, instead of realizing that everyone sucks at things at first, and it can take awhile to get good at them. And I don't know how to deal with that.
It applies to a lot of things. She's got a ton of makeup, but doesn't use it. She has plenty of dresses, but doesn't wear them. She complains that she's fat, but doesn't put in effort to fix it unless I force it on her. I keep us on a disciplined 3 day a week workout schedule, but I can't babysit her at work to make sure she's not overeating and I can't make her do other physical activities when I'm not around. She doesn't cook because she tries to run before she can walk, or doesn't fully read the directions and winds up burning things.
The level of kinkiness that I want and we're not doing is frankly leaving me unfulfilled. Most of her interest in kinks are all things that involve her just not doing anything (like being tied up). I do that, and it's fun, but that's all we do. Vanilla stuff can get me through a week here or a week there, but after that I tend to get bored and my mind starts to wander and I get frustrated. Sitting there while I get a silent, repetitive blowjob feels nice, but it's not mentally stimulating. And she doesn't care. I take that back, she cares, but only enough to feel bad, not enough to do something.
That discipline and motivation to do better and not give up at the first sign of something bad really bothers me. She's defeatest, anytime there's the slightest of setbacks she gives up - and I don't know what to do about it - other than give up on her.