Is this really so?

You must know what the answer will be, right? I also must know why you ask the question, right?

  • he could be a terrible person who likes hurting others
  • he could have had a bad day and taken his frustration out on you
  • you may have misunderstood him

And many other options are possible too, but I don't have time to list them all. Even with these three points you could get stuck disentangling them for a while.

Let's take the most outrageous one: he's a terrible person.

How do you know he's a terrible person? Well for one he's in a helping profession and so that would be a point against him being a terrible person, but terrible people like to pray on the weak so it's possible that he's really one of those most awful people who would invest a lot of time into going to school etc to help people while scheming to only hurt them. It's also possible that maybe he started off with good intentions and through his career and life he's just fallen off that path and turned evil.

I'm not even going to break down point 2 and 3, you see with even this limited amount of points and debating all of that we are not dealing with ACTUALLY helping you get better. These are all distractions to keep you sick. Debating, questioning, worrying, fear. These things have no end. Even if we broke into his office and we found a note he hand wrote that says you are damaged and cannot be helped -- do we take that as proof that he is bad at his job or that you really are damaged? And so we circle back again to a whole other list of questions and debates that don't require any REAL WORLD action on your part that is going to get you healthy.

So how do we get you to ask the right kind of questions because the root of your problem is that you are getting lost in the maze of bad thinking which is the result of asking wrong questions. Your mind is sound, but you're focusing it on the wrong ingredients.

Just like you can never make a tomato soup out of apples and sausage, you can never get better wasting your time on these questions. I know from experience. I was stuck there once too.

Instead of debating the validity of what he said, how unprofessional he is and how discouraging his words are, if you heard him right, what can I do for you to help you develop courage within yourself to let go of debating the negative and take action today in thoughts, feelings and behaviors that will let you enjoy your short life?

Please respond and let me know what you think of my comment and any feelings it stirs up for you. Don't let the feelings overwhelm you. Trust that my intentions were good and if anything in this comment hurt you I hope for a chance to clarify because it is not my intention.

/r/BPD Thread