I mean, as my post suggests he used emotional manipulation on me quite often, did I deserve that?
But you’re right. There’s 0 justification for what I did. It was selfish and came from my deep rooted insecurities and hatred for myself. I don’t feel shame necessarily but I do hate myself. And yes, the high I felt with controlling him did numb all those feelings so when it finally ended I came crumbling down. You’re on the nose!
I’m not proud of what I did in that relationship but it’s not something I ever did in past relationships nor is it something I’ll do in future ones. But this particular person and this particular relationship…. Yeah I miss it and I’d do it again but better