Really wanted to study Medicine, didn't make the cutoff/get grades required for uni. Devastated and angry at my brain, and family.

I live in Egypt. I was in an IGCSE school (International GCSE, British system) doing my A levels under the Cambridge examination board. Even with Modafinil now, I feel like if I had it a few years back I would've aced through everything, regardless of a special consideration needed or not, I was really passionate. I just had a mental block and I couldn't get A* (You need mostly A* and maybe one or two A's), no matter how much effort I put, I fell into the B or A category, some peers who had less knowledge (I don't mean to make them sound inferior, they're not) and put in way less hours than me, had a higher outcome. They could go out and follow study schedules to get A/A*, while I'd lock myself in for most of the time, and get lower grades, the effort I put in if my brain was normal, I could've been an Achiever student, or at the very least easily acing everything. Not studying the Syllabus 20 times and forgetting it and having a blurry memory while others only needed to go through it twice, or thrice, maximum. My inability to absorb information and retain it, or focus, has made me envious, and it's also something I despise. Because I don't wanna fall into a victim dilemma, for the most part, it's just frustration towards my parents for ignoring me for years, because even whenever I attended study groups, literally every single one of my friends/partners noticed it, yet they denied it and blamed me. Although with the culture here, and their generation, I can't fully blame them tbh

I guess I should just accept that I'll never be able to pursue that part of my life now, and be glad I found something that (semi?) works for me. But I'm not sure if my relationship with my family will ever recover, they're fully aware that me being diagnosed meant that I'll be very disappointed by them.

It's just a wall I gotta move away from, I guess, nothing to do now. And thanks a lot, really

/r/ADHD Thread Parent