All, thanks for the helpful feedback. I know my post and thoughts are all over the place... this shit isn't exactly fun or easy and I'm trying to make some sense of it.

Update from the original post: I got home last night from work travel, and we had an up-front and non-accusatory conversation about how neither of us have been happy for the last few months. My read from her actions as of late combined with what I've read on here is that the issue is leadership in the relationship.

That in mind, I took initiative and specific plans and charted a course forward for us. While doing this, I touched her and added kino. We subsequently had wild sex on the floor of our living room. Best in as long as I can remember.

Basically, my current doubts have caused me to withdraw and check out, which exhibits to her as lack of leadership... hence no sexy time. Other girls see me as good looking/confident/dominant etc., but by my wife doesn't because I'm checked out and not leading us.

Helpful stuff. At the end of the day I'm not sure whether I'm in this for the long haul... but going to be a leader at home and at least try to make this work to see if I can be happy long term rather than throwing in the towel and ejecting now.