perhaps don't go out of your way to bring up all of your lifetime woes to the dentist. it genuinely has nothing to do with them and there is absolutely zero way for them to appropriately respond. period.

sorry things are tough for you. but you definitely need to be aware that your dentist not having an adequate response to dumping on them about your unrelated life woes is not them being insensitive, uncaring, rude, etc. they have likely even been legally advised not to engage in that conversation.

I have worked with likely 80% of the dental offices in town as a service provider and not a single one of them "make you feel ashamed, like an idiot, hides their horns and tentacles well- lectures you and make you feel like a stain on the bottom of the sidewalk on a hot summer day?"

i'm no doctor, but If i were in your position I would speak to my doctor about either being medicated full time or medicated for these visits. perhaps they can provide a "breakthrough" medicine. they may also be able to recommend you a dentist they have worked with before in this kind of context.