Dear Mr. Torre,

What the absolute f* * * is going on with these home plate umpires? I don't want robo-umps any more than you do. The human aspect of these games is certainly something that I find endearing about baseball. However, the bulls* * * I see on a nightly basis in Yankee games baffles my f* * * ing mind. Three f * * * ing times tonight a Yankee batter was sit down on a ball, twice those balls were not even close. How the f** do you let this keep happening? How the f* * * do you intend to fix it? I hope you do soon, because I am tired of this garbage.

Sincerely,

A concerned Yankee fan

(Copy and paste and send to Joe Torre, please.)