That lovely moment of being held in someone else's arms and hearing the drumbeat of life through their chest. Be it as a five year old sleeping with my mother or as a 17 year old with the first love of my life or just as a drunk creep being weird at a party and laying your ears on other people's chests and them graciously hugging you and letting you just be weird and sentimental.

One of my most treasured memories is this. With my first real love he was metis, a halfbreed. Beaten on reserves for his white blood. Not fully accepted by the pure blooded natives. But still he learned as much as he could about the culture of being cree. Even knowing more than me, not fully cree but fully native(stoney nakoda and saulteaux.) In cree culture it is forbidden for women to touch the grandfather drum. As a result I never bothered pursuing how to drum. Oneday he told me to drum it has to be 2 beats like a heartbeat. He let me try on his drum and I kept messing up the rhythym. Later I was lying on his chest listening to his heartbeats and I looked up at him and he smiled and said, "Just like the drum."

Well it's over between us now and he has a new girlfriend now. Those memories will never happen again. And as I can't just keep reliving them in my mind I guess I have to create new memories, better ones. And I guess that's what's better to me than sex. Getting to create better memories and moments.