Ah yes, it twas not but a fortnight ago.

I had entered the Victoria's Secret in the mall (NOT following m'lady because that would violate m'restraining orders) when a steroid gym bro began to make advances on her! Of course he could say very little other than "Hey babe! Check out my pecs!" as he figuratively thrust his throbbing ego on the ears of all present. Alas, I could not stand alone in the corner any longer pretending to casually peruse the PINK sweatpants (a curious name for pants that are most colors other than pink) and let such an ill-fitted suitor harass her. With the deft movements only a second degree black belt could appreciate, I leapt into action. My fashionable trenchcoat billowed in my wake as I hardily maneuvered myself betwinst them, shielding m'lady with my very life against his Monster breath. He unsheathed his switchblade from his slicked back pompadour, but was unprepared for the verbal lashing I was about to give.

"You shalln't do more harm, you unscrupulous vagrant! I'll have you know that beneath my coat I carry knives that could defend against even the largest zombie hoarde. Beneath my fedora I carry the intelligence that would make you question your own reality. Beneath my promotional Mountain Dew shirt I carry a heart that burns hotter than the flamiest of Cheetos. Begone, for I banish you from life itself!"

Forsooth, on my honor, it was then that the misogynistic, console peasant, gym lifting, steroid bro dropped his blade and was instantly sucked into his own asshole and was completely erased from history. Nobody gave two shits about his disappearance, m'lady rescinded her restraining orders, and we went back to my house for chicken tendies and 100000 hours of sexy time.

~Fin~