3, counting non-PIV "sex." All in the context of long-term relationships lasting at least a year each.

Actual "sex", 1—my soon-to-be-wife.

Honestly, I've had way more opportunities than that, and not with people I found unattractive, but even as a male (and a nonreligious one, at that) treating sex casually has always honestly repulsed me. It's pretty strange how feeling that way has reversed so many stereotypical sex dynamics over the course of my life. Things only started happening with that first girl—who was the best I had found yet in my life at the time, but not someone I was truly matched with (I still just didn't know what actually being matched would feel like yet)—because she started pushing three months in to the relationship, to the point of basically asking for us to have sex for the first time for her birthday. (In retrospect now, remembering that feels hilarious. It's amazing how this didn't even clue me in at the time to the fact that I wasn't really into her, because she was still the best I had found at the time).

The second was with a journalist from Pakistan. And while I liked a lot about her, I mainly progressed to that point with her at that time because I was starting to feel like connecting as deeply as I really wanted to with anyone was a hopeless ideal, so why also die a virgin on top of it too? I wouldn't say I regret either of these, but if I had the complete choice, I'd probably choose to take them both back.

It feels extremely significant however that the woman I actually had "real sex" with for the first time feels like my complete soul mate in every way. It's been five years now we've known each other and a year and a half since we started living together ("dating", but already even then knowing this was 100% solid and permanent) and I'm actually bringing the rings in as I type this.