Reddit users with functioning depression and anxiety , what's your day to day like?

It has it's ups and downs.

Seriously though, I could either hate, be neutral to, or like any given person regardless of association at any given moment. I don't trust 99.9% of people and so I don't give very much by way of socialization. As such I'm considered weird, but fuck them anyways.

So that's kind of hard.

My thoughts are on a loop of oppression. A slight can be mulled upon and fester for weeks. I'm in a constant maelstrom of self loathing, misanthropy and apathy.

I laugh as often as possible. I feel like if I don't laugh, I'll fucking cry. I've had a couple emotional breakdowns. I don't speak to people if they don't speak to me. I don't start conversations. I don't fraternize much with co-workers. I'm paranoid and suspicious of everybody's motives.

When I'm alone I make jokes to myself, I speak to my animals and the houseplants as if they were people. I sing retarded little songs to myself. I can't turn my mind off most of the time. When I go to sleep I start counting upwards from 1.

I take St. John's Wort before work, and it helps a little. I've been a heavy smoker since I was 14. I used to drink a lot and smoke a lot of weed. I don't anymore, my girlfriend doesn't have it.

I lash out verbally a lot. At work I hold everything down tightly, I'm so uptight it looks like I have a stick up my ass. When trust has been earned I'm easy going, loyal and trusting to a fault. I trust 4 people, period. You might wonder how I have a girlfriend with all these issues? I don't know. I guess the crazy just leaked out over time more manageably as we began to live together. Besides, she's just crazy in a different way. If not for her I would not have a relationship-I don't trust people and it is difficult for me to make friends. I've moved around throughout my life quite often, so I never stay in one place too long. I figure most people aren't worth knowing anyways. If I didn't have my girlfriend I'd probably get by on the bare minimum to survive or drift around on the streets.

It's exhausting being this way. It's changed gradually, slowly. I only hope that if I have kids they don't inherit this. Both my parents were crazy and fucked up too. I hope I'm sane enough when the day comes to make sure they're better adjusted and can do the things I can't bring myself to.

/r/AskReddit Thread