My husband decided to stop working 5 years ago, by choice. He wants to go and make a bunch of crazy shit he thinks he can sell, but he wants me to push him to do it and essentially do everything for him. He has the plans but refuses to take any actions on his own, if I don't help it's my fault he's not getting anywhere, at least according to him. He made me feel like crap for not supporting his dream, saying he only needs $50 to get it started. So two weeks ago I gave him a $50. It's still sitting on his desk. He doesn't work, he doesn't clean, when a neighbor is noisy or one of their dogs starts whining for an extended period, he'll start banging around, throwing water bottles, making as much noise as he can. I guess he doesn't understand that we have more than one neighbor. I know he feels guilty about not working, when we go do taxes and he reports zero income, he makes excuses and lies about why. Or at least he cares more about what some random stranger thinks about him, than he cares about what I think of him. He doesn't want me to work either, he wants me to quit and go on welfare...so I can't even say "I had to go to work today" as an excuse for not wanting to clean or make dinner, even though he's been home all day and made a huge freaking mess in the kitchen. He doesn't seem to know what a garbage can is, and I think he's allergic to water. I've resorted to hiding dishes that I've washed just so I don't have to wash dishes before and after I use them every freaking day. It's spring now, so I can kick him out the very next time he pisses me off, squatters rights are no longer in effect. I'm kinda trying to hold off till August when my lease is up, because when I told management about my situation they said they'd hold me to the lease. I tried to leave him in February, but he said he'd stop punching things and throwing shit when he's mad, and has so far kept to that. Since he realized I was serious about being done, he's stopped doing the things that made it an abusive relationship. He's still not showering more often than every 7 days. He's also incapable of washing his own laundry, but totally capable of complaining that all his clothing stinks or is dirty.
Despite all of this, I can't leave unless he's mad at me or making me feel like shit. If I do leave while things are status quo, I'll drive myself insane with the "what ifs" that will be running through my head. I met someone else, someone with loads of ambition and talent, that treats me like a queen and makes me feel wanted and important. I don't know why I don't just leave.