Hi--

First of all, kudos to you for knowing yourself and being true to who you are, and not stealing or doing things you said you would not do. I think that is incredibly strong and brave of you. And I'm really glad you reached out.

Of course you can talk to me! I have had several friends/family members who were in similar situations, so I'm familiar and definitely willing to help and lend a listening ear. I am so terribly sorry you're going through this. It sounds like an extremely horrible experience, and my heart goes out to you.

The main thing I want to tell you is that you should NOT face this alone. In addition to friends and acquaintances in person/on the internet, I think that your mom should know so she can help you. Believe me, I know how it feels to put my mom through crap that I think she doesn't deserve at all. I have a ridiculously severe anxiety disorder that can basically destroy me for a few months at a time, and my mom is heartbroken whenever I have an episode. Like to the point where I hate to even let her know what I'm going through. But it's necessary to let her know, because no matter what, she will help me through it. Just like your own mental health struggle with addiction. If you think that's any different from any other mental health issue, it's not--it's something in your brain that you are wrestling with, and you have a strong desire to become healthier and to overcome it. And I think that your mom, as distressed and upset as she may be when you let her know what's going on, will ultimately be glad that you told her so she will be able to help you, so you won't have to go through this alone. Also, you won't feel like you're lying anymore. The relief when you tell her the truth will be enormous, and I honestly think from the sounds of it, that will be an important step toward you getting better.

As for your Tardive Dyskenisia, I think that you will be able to find a doctor that can help you with alternative solutions, or to find a medication that manages the pain without being addictive. Also, the doctor may help you to closely monitor your usage so you don't become addicted, if the medication is indeed addictive.

I hope my response has helped at least a little bit. Please don't go through this alone, whatever you do. I think you will feel so relieved if you tell your mom, and she will be able to help you overcome this challenge. I look forward to response, and am more than happy to talk whenever.

Sending warm thoughts -ct