Well, after I got back from Amherst we went to the mall and played DDR. I did horrible because I didn't feel well. Well, after that Me, Dick, Carl, and Mark went to Alex's as usual to fuck around. After that we (sans Alex) went to Dick's to play DnD.
That's where all the fun begins. We spent a little time making level 3 characters. Dick was going to DM this time. I was the sorceror named 'Toben' with my various assortments of handy wands and spells. Carl was the rugged fighter called 'Kerrist' with his trusty war mount and Buster Lance. Mark was the Fire Druid named 'Moonbrook' who casts fire.
Well, we started off in the woods. The back story being that we are a group of merchant guarders hired by some rich folk from Keruoac. They wanted to go to Csirryn (Seer-ee-ehn). So they hired us, and a driver named Henry (Ahn-ree) to bring their caravan to Csirryn. We started our play session in the middle of the forest path that connected the two towns. We were apparently a day away from Csirryn, as we learned. But since I decided it was getting dark everyone decided to stop and set up camp. We didn't light any fires or do anything, everyone just went to sleep except for Kerrist because he had first watch. On his watch he heard rumbling from a quarter mile away with his excellent hearing ability. He didn't do anything until two hours later when the two Orcs appeared directly in front of him. He charged bravely whilst screaming into the two suprised Orcs and slew one instantly. Because he screamed he woke me and Moonbrook up. I saw the Orcs and I charged at them with my Shocking Fist. Even though I only had 12 AC they still didn't hit me. My shocking fist slew the other one. We searched their corpses and I found 40 gold. Kerrist then took one of the Orcs (with my assistance) and used it's own Great Axe to stick it to a tree. Of course Moonbrook was upset because we hurt the trees, but didn't do anything.
Next was my watch. I also heard rustling nearby, but decided not to tell anyone or do anything. Good thing. . .my not doing anything scared it off. . .Nothing happened of Moonbrooks' watch either. After we had breakfast (which neither Henry, or our protectees had the courtesy to give us) we continued our quest towards Csirryn. On the way there, there were 4 Orcs standing in the middle of the path. Carl charged them, lanced one of the Orcs' head off and trampled the other with his steed. I used my crossbow and shot one of the Orcs, I shot him for 1 hp damage and it still died. Weak orcs huh? Well Moonbrook also managed to kill one. We searched the bodies to discover that there was a human corpse amongst the orcs. Apparently the Orcs killed the guy before we got there. We found a javelin and Kerrist (with my help) stuck all the orcs on the trees. We didn't tell anyone and we continued on.
We made it safely to the town. Kerrist kept pestering Henry for our payment, and Henry gave us a large bag of gold. Hurray. Well we went to town and we decided to go to the tavern. Kerrist decided to burst through the door loudly and exclaim that "my fried here has something to say" I said that I had art to sell and that they should all buy it. Nobody liked me or Kerrist. We then went to find villagers to buy my art. My art was of Kerrist slaying two Orcs. Since I rolled high on my craft check I made a really good drawing. Me and Kerrist wandered around until we found someone. We found Jacob-b-b-b. Haggling with him was fun. Originally I wanted 50 gold for my wonderful art, and I suceeded in my bluff and diplomacy checks so I could have gotten it, but he only had 7 gold. Since I was a nice guy I gave my art to him for 5 gold. He went away happily, but we followed him. Kerrist then started pokling Jacob-b-b-b, while saying his name. I took out my invisible dagger and asked him if he wanted my autograph and Kerrist took out his Short sword and we began to harass him not violently by waving our weapons around while saying Jacob-b-b-b! I cast Jump on myself and showed Jacob-b-b-b how powerful I was. He didn't believe me and wanted to go. So i casted Jump on him and tossed him into the air. Wasn't that fun we asked? Then two guards came, Jacob-b-b-b got away because the guards distracted us so we waved our weapons in front of the guards.
The guards weren't scared and they drew their weapons. We told them we wanted to see Jacob-b-b-b and that they should take us to him. The guards then tried to take us out of town, but I cast Jump on myself and Kerrist so we could show them how powerful we were. We weren't breaking any laws or anything but the guards didn't care. They took us into custody, we didn't resist because blindly obeying the law is apparently what being lawful good is all about. Kerrist knelt down and apologized profusely. When both of them were holding on to me I cast shocking grasp. The DM said it didn't do anything even though it's supposed to have a greater affect on people wearing metal armor. I suceeded on my touch attack and rolled pretty high for damage and yet not even a flinch. What kind of guards are these, ueber guards, were they made of lightning? The DM didn't say anything. Literally my precious spell was null and void.
Well they took us out of town and told us not to come back. Well I busted out my wand of sleep and casted sleep on them. It took a couple of rounds to succeed and they made no attempt to escape or attack. That was good. Well we decided to jump over the gate, because we could. I think Moonbrook casted Entangle on us so we could stop annoying the townsfolk, but since there was no plantlife in or around town the spell failed. We conitnued on our quest to find Jacob-b-b-b.
We wandered around town for a bit until my awesome listen check heard some rumbling at the gate. We went over to it and I casted Jump on myself to I could see over the gate. There was fifteen Orcs. I wasn't scared, I took 48 seconds to cast Mage armor on myself 8 times, with my wand of Mage Armor. So now I had an AC of 46, bitchin. Well I went into the crowd of Orcs and casted Burning Hands and Shocking Grasp until they were all dead. The Orcs didn't even try to grapple me, or pin me down thus making my spell casting useless. They just kept swinging their axes at me, but since my AC was 46 they couldn't do anything.
Me and Kerrist then decided to go into town again. We saw five guards. I kept asking them for a medal of bravery for slaying those fifteen orcs. We wanted to go to the police station so I could get my medal. I casted Jump on myself, Kerrist and his Horse and we all jumped to prove how powerful we were. But they still took us into custody and escorted us out of town. I think Moonbrook then decided to spend some time casting Flaming Sphere on a house so he could burn it down.
At the gate we saw the fire and Moonbrook approaching with five guards chasing him. We deduced that Moonbrook made the fire since he is a Fire Druid and that he was evil, since lawful good guards were chasing him and that innocent people were in the house and that Moonbrook intended to Murder them. I busted out my wand of sleep and put everyone to sleep except myself, Kerrist and his horse. Moonbrook failed his save and was cast into the land of Nod. Me and Kerrist then spent three minutes taking Moonbrook's body and carrying it to where the fire was. We cast Jump on ourselves again and jumped to where the Fire was. We intended to throw him past the fire, but a cleric cast sleep on us. So moonbrook's body was dropped into the flames. Moonbrook then woke up because he was taking damage, and he took 11d6 worth of damage. He only had 22 HP. He died. He said he wanted to get raised, or ressurected, but that wasn't going to happen because he was incinerated and no one knew true ressurection. Moonbrook also wanted to be a ghost so he could haunt us, but no one casted ghost on him either. We were to poor to ever ressurect poor Moonbrook. We just wanted to bring him to justice and not toss him into the fire, but some dumb cleric had to cast sleep on us while we were in mid air. The sleep would have disabled us in mid air, but when we fall to the ground and take damage we would wake up, but the DM said no. Oh well, rules get ignored once again.
Well we wake up in the morning and find ourselves in a path. We wanted to get back to the town. We notice that Kerrist doesn't have his horse. We look for tracks and we spot them. We deduced that horses like tracks so we waited for a horse to come, but it didn't. We looked around and spotted a cliff with a cave. We deduced that horses also like caves. But no horse came. Kerrist then decided to whistle to see if his original horse would come, but it didnt. I then said that horses love whistles and that he should keep whistling so a new horse would comme and find him. We spent 6 hours whistling until finally I rolled a 01 percentile and got it. The new horse came. Kerrist jumped fifteen feet in the air and landed majestically onto the horse's back. But the horse used his bite attack. Even though Carl was 15 feet in midair and out of it's threat range. Kerrist then puched the horse two times. The horse was furios, but then it got knocked out. Carl has a new horse now! Hurray.
We went to the cave. We spent 30 minutes walking into the cave. We then decided to go build a shrine to Jacob-b-b-b made out of stone. It was great, and we tired to Will Jacob-b-b-b into existence. I heard a snake sound. I sent my viper to the snake, casted comprehend languages and speak languages, and told the snake to not attack us and go away. The snake bit me anyways, but It didn't do anything becuase Toben passed his constitution save. Then there was an earthquake. We finally willed Jacob-b-b-b into existence and he saved us from dying in the earthquake. The end? This was the best mission evAr!
I then spent some time arguing with Dick and Mark over how many rules they broke. Then we went home.