Reddit, what are you struggling with?

Depression, the continual mourning of my father and the loss of my hometown (NYC kid, from a neighborhood no one mourns the changes in), an obsession with remaining part of a Jewish community that no longer exists, and an obsession with money as a result of a toxic work environment (lost 500 grand in the stock market over a weekend once) robbed me of having any real relationships or sex during my 20s. I was so fucked up I didn't even notice the years slipping by me.

The shock in waking up and realizing who I was at 32 sent me into a two week long panic attack, which was the prelude to the worst year of my life. I lose 30 pounds in two weeks, which is somewhat of a blessing in disguise, as I can now dress much better and look much better than I ever have in my entire life. While I'm aggressively (but poorly executing) online dating, I lose my job due to a financial scandal at my workplace, my mom almost dies, my car does die, and my sister gets very sick.

I stop dating for six months while I am not working because online dating is hard enough, never mind when you tell people "I'm unemployed" when they ask what you do. I start running around the bars every night, getting wasted, building my confidence from scratch, and chasing \ fooling around with whoever will give me the time of day. This gets tiresome quickly, but I keep doing it just to try to get laid (come close many times, never get all the way).

I finally start a new job again in a week or so, so I can start online dating again seriously, but understanding \ explaining my story eventually is a daunting task, especially since I have no real sex experience to speak of. Wondering if I should mention it or not, and the ramifications \ ethical dimensions of keeping my mouth shut about it. What I am struggling with (and have so for the past year and a half) has been the regret at lost time, how I am going to address this with someone I finally do meet and tell the gory details of the story I just laid out here, as well as continued stress about whether I should drop the jewish requirement or not, because doing so makes the online dating thing much easier, due to increased volume, but ultimately is not really what I want out of life.

In doing the research to figure out what happened to me, I found this, which a therapist I'm seeing corroborated as sounding fairly accurate - basically I was a foreclosure:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Identity_crisis#Marcian_theory_and_identity_crises

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Marcia

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