I don't usually have nightmares, not really. Over the past three years I think I may have had only two. When I'm dreaming I generally know that I'm in a dream. I've had quite a few "horror" themed dreams but because I know they're just that I can go along with it as if it were a game. Above all, I can force myself awake or otherwise end them. With one of those dreams I just went too far with the game but and it took its toll on me. Though, I was able to end it as soon as I decided. The one I found terrifying, more so than any other dream I've ever had was the one I couldn't wake up from.

It started off as a more or less typical dream of mine. There were ghosts, this darkness, and a group to challenge. After a while I wondered what would happen if I tried things differently. Then it all sort of restarted. I could try doing things with a better way helped by prescience. However, it all seemed to changed, my expectations became a liability. I kept trying to restart but I always ended up worse off. Eventually, I couldn't handle it and decided to wake up. But I didn't. What came next was just false awakening after false awakening. I wouldn't immediately realize I was still dreaming. Sometimes it would take me awhile before I knew to try again. The idea that I was actually dead or dying popped into my mind. At first I tried to laugh it off. "If this is purgatory then it's fucking boring." But as I continued to have more false awakening I became increasingly worried that I was in fact dead. I was afraid of an impending nothingness. I was trapped in an impossible world with endless possibilities yet completely helpless. And still I did not wake up. I don't know how long I spent just waiting.

Obviously, I did finally wake up. When it happened I wasn't sure if I had or if it was just another false awakening. The experience was so vivid. I knew I had to be awake but after all that happened I just felt consumed by confusion and doubt. What if somehow this was a trick? Admittedly, it did only last a few minutes. To add on top of all that, the time I woke up at was just after 10am which meant that I slept for over 10 hours. It doesn't sound like much but considering I had been consistently only getting 7 hours the past week it was quite unnerving. It added another dimension to my fear and paranoia; not only could I not wake up from the dream, it was like I couldn't wake up at all.