He spends the day at his desk eating. He fancies himself a chef and foodie, so he eats everything with a plate and cutlery. He butters his store-bought muffins. He mixes eggs for an egg salad. He never stops eating. He legitimately brings in a bag of groceries every day and downs it all.

He makes disgusting noises, both while eating and in general. It's like his lungs are constantly filled with mucus and he has to hack it up at about 10-minute intervals.

He thinks he's a genius. The phrase "In my expert opinion..." is regularly used. But he's actually horrible at his job. He's regularly a victim of the "lemon shuffle" where managers look for reasons to transfer him to different groups to save their own projects. He believes he's transferred to bring knowledge to new groups, despite being on a performance improvement plan forever.

He smells.

He listens to the radio too loud.

He chews too loud.

He stores food in the fridge and labels it "today" instead of using the date. Fridge space here is tight and we're supposed to lable crap because if it's more than a week old housekeeping is authorized to chuck it.

He makes personal calls on his desk phone. The conversations are loud enough that I know most of the details of his private life.

He microwaves fish in the break room.

He puts in overtime to finish the work he didn't finish because he was too busy stuffing his face with disgusting food.

He thinks the politician John Edwards a.d the talks-to-dead-people John Edwards are the same person. He is very political minded but most of his political beliefs are similarly well-informed.

He's a born again Christian who looks for any opportunity to proselytize. His understand of Christianity is about as good as his understanding of politics.

He doesn't know the name of the person who has sat two cubes away from him for the last year and a half.

He needlessly extends project meetings because he needs simple tasks explained to him in more detail than the interns do.

I've never hated anyone as much as I hate him.