Lost the closest relative that I've ever had, who jumped off the Golden Gate bridge. Haven't been sober a day since, boner pills ads, movies, insurance commercials, videogames, the back of my I.D, reminders everywhere- it haunts me, its not even the act that gets me. No one in my family aside two other people know what led him to do what he did, they were told a lie. The truth is what makes my heart beat cold. I didn't understand tragedy until I walked through hell, I feel im there every day. The only thing I care about is my drug, feeling apathetic is my bliss. The person I held in the highest regard did something so disgusting and vile, I can't help but hold rage and sadness at the deepest pits of my heart. I know I won't live much longer, I am just trying to make some last memories before I go. The only way I coped was got heavily into watching combat sports, and Mary Jane. Without them I would have left long ago. I pushed everyone out of my life long ago and for several different reasons but I know ill never be the same. Death will be my savior, I see no future, or hope.

Live everyday like its your last people, one day the person you love most could be looking into your eyes for the last time