Anxiety disorder.
These are literally my thoughts every. Single. Night.
First thing I do is worry about how I can lock my bedroom door as there is no lock. Then I live on the bottom floor with a big window near the bed. I think aboutwhat if some comes in through the window? The door? I think about how I wish I could have a weapon with me when I sleep but my husband would think im nuts. Then I wish we had a gun. I then think about how id have to kill the intruders. I wander if that would change me... would I spare them if I could get away? Or would I kill them anyway? I feel like I'd kill them anyway. That makes me evil right? I just think if hey were going to kill me, they'd kill or hurt others too. So why miss an opportunity to rid the world of scum? Does that make me psycho? Im already psycho though. Normal people dont rhink this stuff. Normal people are like my husband and just go to sleep in 5 seconds. Why can't I be normal?
Just shut up and sleep!
Ok ill sleep no more thinking.... god I shouldn't have ate that today. Why did I? You want to be 200lbs again? Thats how you do it. You ate all that you fat ass. Oh and what about all that laundry, and cleaning you were suppose to do? Your husbands in the navy and all you did was the dishwasher and took a shower. Then ate junk. You still don't have a job. Still aren't in school. A month is long enough!
Thats I need to run. If I got up now I could do a work out.. ok first thing tomorrow ill wake up and work out. If im not working the least I could do is not be a lazy fat ass. If I could just sleep...
Im going to die. I going to die one day. He's going to die one day. My parents... my brother.. my sister...oh god. I can't do that. Whats the fuckin point in living? To die? To watch family die? How can people live happily knowing they are just going to die? I can breathe. I feel my heart caving in. But I cant stop thinking about death... he's still breathing... good. Of course he is! God you're so stupid!
Just get on reddit for awhile. . Respond to r/relationship stuff or other random stuff.
Hours later..
Finally tired again. Think about fiction worlds. Dragon ball z, adventure time, mass effect whatever. Think of random non real things. Focus hard....
Finally Sleep.