I'm a highly self-destructive person. I'm far from 'stupid' though. Even in college I don't have to study much to understand stuff. Shit just clicks for me. Ya know what's far more difficult to get a grip on than biochem, physiology, math and such? The mind and 'human nature'. If you don't understand how fragile a babies or child's mind is and how difficult it is to resculpt an adults mind, youll never understand. A personality disorder is so damn difficult to do anything with a lot of therapist have little patience for em. They are burrowed so deep, often as a baby shitting himself, they almost seem cemented in an adult mind with diamond. So why do I make shit more difficult than it needs to be? The shit started and was reinforced over and over and over and over and over in the stage of life I had no options, and no control, over how my mind shaped itself to cope with life. I was at its mercy. Now that I am old enough to have options and control, the shit can't even be wiggled out with a jackhammer to be replaced with something healthier.

It isn't stupidity. Its having shitty luck as far as childhood/home life goes and a genetic susceptibility to developing in such a manner. If you look at the brain scans of someone with BPD or sociopathy, or NPD the brain itself doesn't light up as you would expect. If the brain itself isn't functioning as it should, in a normal person, easy and tough become relative. And changing your behaviors isn't just changing your thinking but changing how your brain lights up. Which is wonderfully doable, sometimes, due to the brains plasticity, but it takes a hot minute to do. Like 2-3 years of intensive, attentive hands on therapy to start seeing noticeable changes for BPD. For most folks it is difficult for them to fuck shit all up and just can't do it. For me, its as easy and natural as taking a piss.