Not a throwaway because shit happens. I apologize in advance for the formatting. I'm working from the phone here.

Story time: happened with an ex 2ish years back. We'l cal her Lauren. Yeah, Lauren. Had been broken up with ex before Lauren for a year and half at this particular point. We'll call this ex Ashley. So Lauren and I had been bar hopping all night and just got trashed. I mean, straight up white girl wasted. We get in a fight because there was a lot of alcohol in our systems (For those too young to understand what I mean; over nothing). I remember though, even in my intoxicated state, thinking to myself, "dear god Lauren is acting like Ashley. What a fucking bitch." You see, at the time I was dating Ashley, Ashley was a super colossal mega-bitch. First love. Dumb love. Broke it off finallt and was pumped. Back to the crux of the story though. So here's me and Lauren. Pissed as high hell with each other walking to a cab. We get in and I'm still entertaining that thought I had earlier. " Dude, this is why you broke up with Ashley. Fuck this shit....fuck....that...shit (my eyes lock on Lauren's whooty)

We lock eyes. (Pointless) Hatefuck initiated. We start making out in the cab and getting handsy/chokesy (Lauren loved to be choked). We weren't too far from her place and got there pretty quickly it felt like. So I pay the cabbie and we take this show into the streets/apartment complex. We get inside and Lauren starts talking all bitchy towards me, but trying to make it sexy. I really wasn't into it but tried to be because there was a Hatefuck about to go down. So we're going at it, and she keeps on saying shit like, "god you fucking pissed me off tonight. What the fuck is your deal?!" Instead of the usual, "intensely/angrily oh my god fucking fuck me!" I'm growing impatient. I focus all my energy and attention on trying to finish and be done, but her persistence wore me down. Finally, after trying to cum but nearly sharting, I screamed, "what the fuck is wrong with you Ashleee-auren!"

She was pretty hurt and brought it up in the morning. We talked about it and I told her Ashley was mega-bitch and how she, Lauren, was acting very similarly. She and I also had a good arrangement on saying stupid shit when we were drunk. We loved pushing each other's buttons.

I finished while I was "taking a dump."