Late to the faparty, but whatever. I like my keyboard sounds.
I was a madman fapper. Too many fappenings to catalog, but a few poke out:
In church as a pre-teen, through my pocket, looking at some sexy church ladies. The back of their head.
Same church, a girl fapped me in the pew through my pocket. (This is not the least proud one but it made me fap through my pocket for at least a year. In church.)
Same church, girl kept sucking my finger during a lock-in. I didn't know what to do because I really liked her, so when she stopped being horny and went away, I went to the church bathroom and fapped sitting down on the toilet. Weirdest feeling ever because I was also pooing, since it seemed efficient.
My mom used to have back pains from some psychedelic nerve condition, so one night she had me repeatedly elbow her in the lower back to relieve the pain. I had to do it a long time, so my mind wandered. My mom wasn't hot or anything, but I started to fap. I was thinking about some church ladies. I stopped though, because it was really weird with my mom being there, unaware that I was fucking my hand to the backs of the heads of sexy church ladies.
One time a church lady sat on my lap in church pretending she didn't see me sitting there on the pew. I didn't fap right then, but just in case she would do it again, I held my hands in my lap with my palms facing up so I could touch her booty. She did not sit down again on me, unfortunately, but later that night she did when I was fantasizing about it and fapping.
Fucked a pillow because it looked like the booty of a church lady I liked, since she was visiting my mom and dad that night and I could hear her talking.
Stole a pair of my older sister's daisy dukes and filled them with towels to make it look like a church lady's booty. I did unspeakable things to that booty. Never gave the daisy dukes back. They were mine now.
There is probably more, but mostly suppressed.
Thanks.