Okay, here it goes. I know I'm a lurker, but I've always wanted to talk about this to someone cause I never really have.
My ex-fiance proposed on my 23rd birthday completely out of the blue. We had been dating a year and really adored each other but had not discussed marriage in-depth yet, so it was a real shocker. I said yes because I was certain we were perfect for each other.
About a year later, right around my 24th birthday, he started acting really strange. He would show up late for things all the time, started looking disheveled, and his temper became almost unbearable. I thought it had something to do with his parents because they were struggling financially. I didn't really question him about it, just tried to work through it with him.
One day he calls me and asks me to meet him at our favorite spot immediately. I had no idea what was going on, but I did meet him there. He was unshaven (not normal for him) and pacing when I pulled up in my car. As soon as I got out he said he wanted to tell me some things because the guilt was eating him alive.
He proceeds to tell me that he has a serious drinking problem and that part of the reason he had been acting so weird is because of that. I take the news very well, but before I can really react he tells me that right before he proposed he had cheated on me. He said he didn't know why, but he contacted a buddy of his and they went out looking for girls to have sex with. And he found one, some random girl in a nightclub who was thinner than me and had blonde hair (that's the only the description I ever got of this unnamed woman).
He proceeds to tell me that there have been other instances with girls as well, but no sex besides that one experience. Apparently he felt so guilty he thought the only way to deal with the issue was to propose.
He didn't ask to get back together. He truly did not love or want me at all, and that's part of the reason he admitted to everything, to get away so he could live differently.
But he did start harassing me about the engagement ring.
It started off innocently enough, inquiring about the ring. And I actually thought I might give it back to him. Most people told me it was proper etiquette to give it back, except for my mom. lol Eventually he started getting truly angry with me for taking so long with it, threatening me, guilt tripping me, everything he could possibly do.
Around that time I was struggling with major depression and suicidal thoughts over the break-up, it just hit me so hard. I was holding onto the ring because it felt wrong to give it back to him. I don't know if I was handling the situation well or not, but I just couldn't do it after the way I had been treated.
Around that time my little brother, my best friend in the world, told me he wanted to propose to his girlfriend. She is honestly the sweetest person in the world and had actually gotten really seriously sick early in their relationship, but pulled through. My brother is a hardworking kid who was really happy, and I knew their relationship would last. He was just kinda worried about being able to afford a ring for his girlfriend.
Well, my ex had been oddly jealous of my brother near the end of our relationship. It was one thing we really fought about and made me so angry, even though I'm not one to argue over anything. So I decided to give my brother the ring, not to give to his girlfriend, but to trade in for partial payment on a bigger, nicer ring that he could not have afforded otherwise.
It probably would be considered wrong or cruel to some people, but honestly it was the most liberating thing I EVER did in my life. The weird part is, I felt no need to flaunt this in my ex's face. I never told him what happened to the ring, just that I no longer had it. I could have rubbed it in his face, and maybe I did plan on it, but after I did that I realized it wasn't really about payback anymore. It was just about setting myself free from any attachment to him or what he put me through. And it helped, too.
TLDR My boyfriend proposed on my 23rd birthday. On my 24th birthday he admits he has a drinking problem and has been habitually cheating on me. We break up and he harasses me for the engagement ring. I decide to give it to my little bro, so he can trade it in for a ring for his girlfriend. Never told ex-fiance about this - had planned on it but realized it was about more than him at that point.